It’s taken me 28 years exactly to get fully into the mindset and state that I am currently in now. A place where I creatively express what’s inside through imagery, writing, style, and conversation. I believe thoroughly in love but more importantly in patience. I do what makes me happy. I live for myself, yet get high off making others feel present and appreciated.
I realize not everyone can or will understand me. I fully get that my lifestyle is unusual, hard to grasp, even frustrating to some if not most people. I have built a foundation that involves following my heart and doing what feeds me most spiritually. I have found that consciously replacing doubt, fear, and insecurity with self-love, trust, and positive inertia can change any mindset or dreaded situation.
I had to realize people who understand the least typically love to assume, judge, and criticize the most. I have learned that my body is my temple and I can control anything I want within it with mindfulness and awareness. I now know that New York, past relationships, and tough love made me a bit rough around the edges at times. Sensitive people, friends, and situations allowed me the grace to ease up on the reigns and take a deep breath.
I feel invigorated, alive, and reborn with each new place I discover on the unfathomably beautiful earth. I fully try to appreciate every person I come into contact with wherther it’s a stranger or close acquaintance. I have been practicing the art of letting things go. Be it the things that hurt me, relationships that don’t serve me, or mishaps or mistakes along the way.
Nothing comes before family. They have seen me at my best and worst and love me unconditionally either way, which makes me extremely lucky. Yet I have to remember that it’s my family, and that the interworking relationships within them are mine to develop, expand on, or take space from as needed.
I never needed to teach myself to stop and enjoy the moment. That has, for some reason, always been there. When I was a child, I remember thinking “I’m just here, playing in my toy box and thats all that I want to do right now”. I always kissed my parents goodbye before school and meant it when I told them I loved them. I consciously always took a good hard study of each grandparent before leaving their presence.
I never knew what a blessing it would be to have such an incredible sibling. She was my first friend and is still my best friend. Sharing love, light, and hard laughter along with pain, heartbreak, and confusion with her is one of my greatest joys in life. I never underestimate her ability to build me up while keeping me grounded.
I have learned what it truly means to be a good friend, and to have earned amazing friends in return. Hard work and dedication to my closest friends allowed me the opportunity to be loved, fully understood, and accepted for every single ridiculous part of who I am. I know that friendship is work, and communication is key. Considerate honesty, though uncomfortable at times, saves everything.
I always happily remind myself that acquiring things will not make me feel anymore complete nor will comparing myself to others. This is a daily practice, and one that is important for me in order to maintain balance.
I have gotten to exactly where I am today because of my strong determined mind, the incredible love and support of those I love staying so closely around me, and because while I never truly forget where I’ve come from… my imagination is wild and my curiosity never ceases to subside. Age is a number more than ever these days, and with each passing year I grow stronger, wiser, and happier. Not because I’m lucky or have it easy, but because those elements are what I actively want and desire in life. So cheers to the people, experiences, and journeys that shape us and make us who we are everyday. And to never peaking. We may be getting older but we just keep getting better.